Do you doubt yourself or think you’re going crazy? Sometimes he’s so nice and loving, but then yells at you, blames you, maybe even shoves you around a bit! Are you embarrassed that you, somebody who “knows better” got into a relationship with a jerk.
It happens to the best of us! It happens in any gender, race, income bracket, or home. Abuse is not just being hit, slapped, or shoved around, it is all about Power and Control. It’s about being manipulated, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of, shamed and blamed for everything!
The cycle of Power and Control is all about who is able to “call the shots”, who is “on top”, who “wins” in an argument. The person who uses manipulation, lies, shame and blame to keep that sense of control in a relationship is being abusive.
The cycle of Power and Control goes like this:
- the Honeymoon stage: this is the lovey dovey time, when everything you do is good and perfect, when your lover seems to anticipate all your needs, loves on you, and you feel wonderful.
- the Tension Buildup stage: things seem to be going south and you can’t figure it out. Now you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, you wonder what’s going on, what are you doing to make your lover act like this. You read books on relationships but nothing you do seems to change things for the better.
- the Explosion: This can take several forms, you get yelled at, cursed at, blamed for everything, shamed and emotionally battered or it can go all the way to physical abuse, beating, and worse.
- the Remorse stage: the apologies, the “I’ll never do that again”, the “I don’t know what came over me”. This is the stage where you will get a gift, flowers, groceries, do an errand for you, pick up the kids, make or take you out for dinner, whatever it takes to get back into your good graces.
This cycle is not your fault!!!! Let me repeat this, this cycle is Not Your Fault!!
If you find yourself stuck in a cycle like this you are experiencing life with an abuser, an angry and controlling person, someone who really thinks it’s okay to act like this towards another person and most importantly, you cannot change them.
You can get out! Your heart has the answers for you. You have the inner knowledge and wisdom to make your own decisions to create the life you want. Your intuition holds the key to reduce your stress, to find your meaning, and to live more fully in the present moment.
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